I look down at the abyss
Somewhere down there
My salvation, cushion
Safety net, soft landing.
I don’t doubt that it exists
As much as I fear
That I might miss it.
Does distrust within
Mean distrust without?


My toes peep out of the threshold
Raring to go, straining to leap
My heart also leaps
To my throat, mind says no.
I don’t doubt it’s for my own good
As much as I fear
That I might not learn the lesson this time.


When does introspection
Become analysis paralysis?
My eyes search for the one
Who’ll save me
I tell myself a white lie–“I’ll jump
When I see someone ready to catch me.”
I don’t doubt that I have people
As much as I fear
That they don’t know I’m falling.


What stops me from
Reaching out to willing arms?
I’ll jump anyway, I tell myself
All on my own, drop and roll.
A few bruises, couple broken bones
See how I’ve healed from past leaps.


I don’t doubt that it’ll hurt
As much as I fear
This time it will break me.
Is there such a thing as being too self reliant?
Well, I’ve been on the verge
For far too long.
The view is breath taking
But life calls me back
I don’t doubt that I must decide
As much as I fear
That I’ll regret it later.


Could I perhaps
Stop with the questions
Give my mind a break
Cut my heart some slack
And finally let go?


©Shweta Bhat

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